i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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