Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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