I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
