I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
