If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
