when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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