Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
