i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I love having hate sex.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize