At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I stole a fireplace last night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
