He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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