why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
