Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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