Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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