I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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