I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize