on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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