So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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