i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We got so high we made milksteak
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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