I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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