it was like eating out sand paper
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize