My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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