Do you still have your period?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
