i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
