can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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