East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
