You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
