you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
