Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
