every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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