Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
