but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
