I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
