He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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