How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
