You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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