textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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