Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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