i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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