Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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