we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We're too hungover to prance.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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