I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
