I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
