Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
