I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
