Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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