went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
