umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
