Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize