Fuck appropriateness.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
