sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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