The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize