what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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