We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
