FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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