R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
