watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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