If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i need some magic done to my vagina
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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