Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
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