And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
