I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
