uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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