He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
