And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
