oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize