Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
