Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
