Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
