it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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