I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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