my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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