youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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