hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize