my phone needs a breathalizer
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
