Just took my morning after pill in the library
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
