its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
