New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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