So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize