forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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