And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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